That Yin Yang thingy dingy

That Yin Yang thing thang


Ummm. So I am at the hamburger Mary charity bingo thing the week after Anna Nicole makes out with the chick bartender (see blog below for pic) hoping Ms Smith with show up again and regale us with more unabashed bingo debauchery--and sure nuff she does show up, and bravely I might add when she shows up with the alleged handcuffs from the alleged incident that bartender blabbed all over the bar and to the NY post's page 6. Anna Nicole comes in and waves the handcuffs and says to everyone's delight "I hear there are some naughty rumors going around here since last week...they might ALL be true..." then sits down and plays bingo! And they say she's dumb... Anyway, the celeb bingo ball caller this week is The white guy (oh wait they are both white) the BIG white guy who doesnt wear kimonos from TLC's That Yin Yang Thing, a weird reality show where two dudes help people like business owners and families who have some issue to resolve. They combine "Eastern" and "Western" "philosophies" to manage dysfunction, inefficiency and interpersonal relations. And one guy wears yukatas and little orientally asianny exoticky clothes and talks about yoga and feng shui and herbal medicines etc while the other one talk about tough assed western styles of management. By the way notice my "inscrutable yet subservient big asian smile as I stand next to Mr. white guy or should I say "Yin." So my friend and super comic Amy Anderson who like me is Asian with non specific ethnic last name--she is an adoptee doncha know but looks like a hot asian model-- anyways Amy informs me she auditioned for the "Eastern" part on the show and we kinda half joke that apparently she wasn't oriental enough for what TLC was thinking in their ingenious east meets west self help show. Now do I give a crap when white guys get dread locks and start prescribing Ginseng root at their alternative medicine house of oriental arts salons? Nope. Does it irk me when white ladies in christmas sweaters start feng shui businesses and talk about ch'i. Not so much. Because who the hellllllll am I o preach about that when I am 50 percent white and had to learn feng shui from books and talks just like them -- what makes me more qualified to hang a crystal in your window and tell you which way to point your furniture? Not my slanty eyes, no ma'am. (talent but that is irrelevant to this discussion.) But something makes me crazyyyyy about the white guy in the dragon shirt on TV talking about the flow of ch'i and pressure points. It smacks of David Carradine in a role written for Bruce Lee. It smacks of Asian people not mattering enough to the powers that make these decisions in terms of representation, to the point that if ya dress in some asian lookin thing you get to be an expert and represent the "Eastern Arts" --what is that anyways. And perhaps if there were a proliferation of Asians on TV outside the usual namicuristmartialartistmathnerdhookeropiumdealerdragonladyforeignerdeliowners, then perhaps it would be cool to have culture be learned and the job be appopriated by the most learned/apprenticed candidate. How would it be if I put on an Aunt Jemima hat and did a cooking show on soul food? What if I put on a sombrero and did a reality show on how to make a nice garden? I dont think people would like it too much. Because I dont represent. And because there are qualified mexican gardeners and black soul chefs who can represent their own culture on TV thank you very fuckin much. But for some reason, we asian people are owned. Just like the orientalist craze in europe at the turn of the century when everyone had to have some cute ass asian looking furniture or hat or thingy to show their friends at tea, it was ok to kinda push aside the human beings behind the trinkets, and forget their wants, issues, abuses that produced the stuff in the first place-- just like that it dont seem to matter that there are Asian PEOPLE behind those concepts, people who might think "Why is the Eastern Expert so clearly some white guy?" Did the net reallllllyyyyy tryyyyyyy harddddd to find a host who perhaps could represent more than the disembodied idea of Asian culture? Is it really that different from the the David Carradine Kung Fu thing or the Mickey Rooney as lisping Japanese landlord? Is it different from black face? minstrel show? We don't have enough representation out there in American culture so you bet your ass it hurts when we see the subliminal message sent that "Your type doesnt really get this the way we (dominant culture) does. Yeah Yeah you invented feng shui but WE really understand it." Why don's the feelings of asian people seeing that matter. Why is it OK to borrow philosophy so freely and claim it, own it and kinda trash the human origins. Why was it "funny" to so many people to listen to William Hung's accent? Were they charmed by his naive belief in himself? Really? Or just thrilled that the Asian minstrel show was seemingly endorsed by our own community--as in 'well it's ok to laugh cause hes ASIAN. It's ok he knows he is funny.' I aint hating on William Hung. I am hating on the people who think the asian accent is funny. And that it's cool to give advice on TV as an "oriental" expert when you're a fuckin white guy in a kimono. Might was well tape back your eyes and get some buck teeth. Nobody's gonna say anything. Coz orientals are QUIET, aint they....